2 years later...

    I'm back to blogging.. what an irony. Well, life for the past 2 years was tough, challenging, yet impactful.

A lot of things happened for the past few years. What I thought to be the happiest thing in my life turns out to be the biggest scar I might have.  What a hell I went through; but come to think of it, it might be a second chance for me to do things that I did not do, and NOT to do things that I have done. There were no way I could reverse time. What that has been done, has been done. All I can do is to learn a lesson out of it. I still cling on dearly to the belief of the 'special one' That one day, I can laugh and tease each other without any fear of offending each other. That, should be the way. Not the fear of what the other person might think whenever you make a decision. I always wanted someone supportive and forgiving.. Simple as that. someone that says "It's okay.. we all make mistakes", and smiles cheerfully again.

     Words could not express my testimony for the past 2 years. But one thing for sure is, there were ups and downs. The downs has already happened. Live with it. Dear someone special, I'll be waiting. =)

   I always believed, that in every one, there are two sides. the real 'him/her', and the other side that only reveals itself according to situations and environment. The side that shape shifts to blend in, to be accepted. The one I saw 2 years ago, was the other side. As i got into her comfortable state, I saw the real her. But feelings were all too deep. It made me question the true meaning of love. Are we accepting our loved ones for who they are? Or are we just pulling our level of .... I dont know what's that word.. requirement? expectation? moral value? Does love has a definite answer, I wonder. Or does it sway according to experience and to each individual? I wonder...

LOVE~ A common issue in the midst of teenagers. To me, there are many stages one might have to go through when u like/love somebody..

Spark- The 1st time you meet a girl, u think it's 'love at first sight'.. Well, in the real world, I don't think there is such a thing. L.A.F.S are more for those 'playboys' out there, where they meet someone pretty or hot, and they wanna hit on them. Relationships may start from a spark or even a specific moment that makes u feel more interested in that 'someone' but time is still needed for you to really understand an individual so that you may start to like her because of some parts of her that attracts or amazes you.
*Love can make or break you. Therefore, in every step u take when you're in love, it can either make you the happiest person in the world, or even make you the most depressed faggot of the century.. *

When you decide to make a move and confess your feelings, u may either:-

Succeed: can't sleep for few days, recalling the moments again and again until you can even make a movie out of it, dreaming how you and your soulmate may end up. Will it be a "happily ever after?"
or

Fail/Rejected: It's like a balloon, filled with excitement, gettin all pumped up, and then BOOOOM!!! The word "NO" to a relationship is like a small lil' needle that burst the balloon. Being like an undead for a whole month.

Then, there is THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE!
While in a relationship, it makes you happy as hell each time you see your beloved. No matter you're gonna do with her; even fishing can be as exciting as the theme park. But during arguements or slight misunderstandings or conflicts, you will feel very very very emotional.

Movies always say "Jus go for it and tell him/her how you feel" Cum'mon, if it's that easy, wouldn't we be doing it? Most of the time, if you got rejected, things are gonna be awkward.

Love may be a very delicate emotion, but it can also be a lifechanger.

I'm hearing a lot of love problems from my friends everywhere. So, for those who r looking forward to a relationship, think n consider again. Is it now the best time?

I can't really think of anything to update. so... hope u enjoy, i guess..

God's love ... doesn't make sense

Lets just put it this way.

- God is the King

- We sin against Him, something like breaking the law...

- He as a King, dies for our crimes.

- Its like Its like Yang Berhormat Najib dies for the crimes we did...

- How great is our God, Amen??

YOU

You make me very happy sometimes. Make me think about you every night before i sleep. Make me think how to have more fun with you. But sometimes, you make me very angry and upset. If i see you in the morning, you might cheer up my day or even ruin my day. I don't know what should i do with you.

DOTA LA! WHAT ELSE

Miracles.

I have a cousin tat had breast cancer for quite some time. He had been suffering for these past years. She even went through kemo. Few weeks ago, she was admitted to hospital. Her heartbeat stopped suddenly. She was 'gone' for that moment. My relatives and everyone there cried for her to return and to "wake up", no to sleep yet. Few minutes later, she had her heartbeat back. She told them to call her father and her brother that were non- Christians. She asked " I went to heaven and met my Father in heaven and came back. I want to ask you. Do you want to accept the Lord as your personal saviour?" Her dad(my uncle) knew about God, joined them for cell group discussion and heard them discussing. He can even talk about Christ with the church members. But he was stubborn. Until that very moment, they said YES. And then my cousin replied "That my job here is done." And she went with the Lord permanently. So, never quit or be tired of sharing until your last breath because God has his plans and his perfect timing for everything. To me, this is worth testifying to you guys. I hope it can speak to you one way or another. God bless.

Permanent

Is this the moment where i look you in the eye?

Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry

And everything it will surely change

Even if i tell you i won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone

When no one's there to hold your hand?

When all you know seems so far away

And everything is temporary rest your head

I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day

And so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place?

And when they say it's all touch and go

I wish i could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone

When no one's there to hold your hand?

When all you know seems so far away

And everything is temporary rest your head

I'm permanent i'm permanent

Is this the moment where i look you in the eye?

Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry

SHOCK

Every day I just can’t control

Every night the loneliness is my love

Can’t breathe, my body’s getting stiff like an ice

Hey dear, stay here, I’m going blind

No way losing my way, why are you drifting away?

I don’t want to get hurt, but what will we do with my love struck heart?

I don’t hear anything

I don’t see anything

Oh, ever since you’ve left

I couldn’t focus on anything else

Everything stopped, and now it's over

And my existence is fading away

Even if I close my eyes

You're still fading away from my memories

I’m sorry, please come back to my side

Because of you I can’t focus on anything else.

Come to me tonight

I don't think I can ever wake up from my shock

Hey ya, wake up

Once I wake up, you’re not by my side

Oh lalalalalala, now you’re laughing like a lunatic

I’m struggling everyday against the clashing waves of loneliness

I can’t forget you for the rest of my life

If I knew it would be like this, I would have held you back

Then it wouldn't have been so hard

Oh, even if I try to embrace you once more

I can’t, cuz I can't even move a single finger

It’s hard to breath

And my heart hurts.

The more I think about you

The longer I idle while sitting down

And I can’t get anything done

Every night in my dream

I can’t

Hear your voice

So, where are you?

If you’re happy to be away from my side

Then I will try to hold in my tears for you

BEAST- Shock